Category Archives: Articles

The Golden Apple

Golden Apple

Looks innocent enough, right?

-The Post That Started It All Circa 2013-

Let me just begin by saying that I normally don’t buy candy or anything for Valentine’s day. However, not even I can escape a store without being bombarded by their well placed, gaudy holiday displays and, today, I am rather glad for that fact. As par, I was walking right past the rows of Valentine’s Day items, but my mind suddenly threw up a mental flag  that caused me to stop and turn right back around.

There, amid the sea of abrasive red and pink cellophane wrapped items, were two large rows of chocolate golden apples.  This was exactly what I had thought I saw, but had to do a double take because, in my mind, that was just too good to be true. For those of you who are familiar with Greek Mythology, you might recognize why I found the idea of offering a golden apple as a symbol of love to various women on a day where you are supposed to cherish the wonderful, beautiful love of your life, so funny. For those of you who aren’t with me yet, or perhaps don’t recognize the story, just let me just give you a brief summary of the tale that instantly came to my mind.

~~~~~~~~

A marriage of a favored mortal was to take place on Mount Olympus and the gods had been invited for what was sure to be the event of the century.   All of the famous faces you may recognize were there in attendance that day, including three rather important goddesses: Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite. However, the most important figure comes play with a face that wasn’t invited and therefore wasn’t taking part in the festivities of the day: A lesser known goddess by the name of Eris.

Now, this may just be an afterthought, but if there was one goddess that I wouldn’t purposefully not invite to the most happening party on all of Olympus, it probably would be the goddess of  chaos, strife, and discord ( in fact, she’s someone I would work to keep on my side). The other goddesses and gods, however, didn’t see the problem with this and blissfully went about celebrating without another thought of how much ire they’d stoked up within the foreboding goddess.

As you can imagine, Eris wasn’t exactly happy with this and decided that she’d do what she does best (which is cause utter chaos, if you weren’t paying attention). Biding her time till the festivities were well underway, Eris waited until the goddesses in attendance were all standing together. While chatting about the latest fashions in robes and how stupid mortal men were (no doubt), into the middle of them suddenly plopped a beautiful, perfectly polished golden apple. What a gift! Now, you may be thinking what is so special about this apple? They’re found a couple of times throughout Greek mythology, and gods have cooler things like lightening bolts, and crazy beasts they could send to torment people. Well, other than being golden, it wasn’t really wasn’t anything particularly unique about it. Well, except for the tag that is, which simply said: “To The Fairest”. Singular.

Aphrodite statue

If you look closely enough, you can see the scratch marks across the statue’s face where the other goddesses spent time sharpening their claws.

          Uh-oh.

More deadly than a hand grenade full of rusty shrapnel, we can only imagine how silent the crowd became when the girlish giggles stopped between the three women and the bickering began. Needless to say, each goddess found themselves to be the rightful recipient of the apple. Besides, Hera was queen of the gods, Athena was the wisest, and Aphrodite was the most beautiful! There was no doubt in each of their minds that they were the one to receive it, however, they decided that they’d go ahead and let someone else decide.  Knowing far better to open his mouth, Zeus refused to touch that pit of vipers with a ten foot bolt of lightning (no wonder he was King of the gods) and told them to go choose someone else.  Unable to put the squabble behind them, the three goddesses finally turned to a rather handsome mortal man to make the final (and rather fatal, if you ask me,) decision. Stupid enough to actually open his mouth, the guy (from here on known only as ‘the dolt’) said ‘okay’ to the gig.

Now, if there’s one thing you should know about Greek gods, know this: they never play fair. Heck, even the bride at this glorious wedding was forced into it just because she decided to turn down Zeus’ offer to become another one of his mistresses. (I can only assume that she was a smart woman, as I don’t think getting anywhere near the husband of the spiteful Hera bodes well for any woman. Ever.)  Annnywho, each of the goddesses decided they were going to bribe the dolt with gifts they felt were befitting and inside their power to grant.

Hera promised that he could be king of all men if he chose her, a real ruler of the lands. Athena promised him victory in war as long as he lived! Finally, Aphrodite promised him something she thought he simply couldn’t refuse: the hand of the most beautiful mortal woman in all of Greece. Of course, befitting of his nickname here, the dolt chose the gal. While everyone around him was probably groaning louder than an ignored crowd on an episode of Who Wants to Be A Millionare, at least the tense and terrible ordeal was over….right?

Wrong.

Oh, the girl was beautiful, alright. Aphrodite had given the dolt one winner of a woman. However, the funny thing about that gal is that she, unfortunately for many, many people, happened to be already married (something the goddess failed to mention completely). Not only was she already married, but to a rather powerful guy at that. Therefore, when the dolt abducted her in order to take her as his own wife, you can imagine it started a teeny little fight. Just a little one. The common name for this little ditty?

Wooden Horse

Big giveaway

The Trojan War.

So, after my long short story, you can see why I found a golden apple being a present given out for Valentine’s day to be a rather hilarious one. Even if it happens to be just some golden tin foil slapped around a crappy apple shaped shell, the story is there behind it to make it a rather funny symbol that I thought I’d share with you.  If you’re interested in the actual story, you can check up on it here.

Here’s looking forwards to  D V-Day, folks,

P.  

2000+ Thanks You’s (w/poem)

Thank You

Honestly, thank you.

It’s happened, folks. Over 2000 of you awesome individuals clicked the follow me button and, well, I am mighty grateful for it. Honestly, I can say how much I appreciate each and everyone of you who took the time to even stop by for a brief moment and look over a poem or two here.  Now, if you just wanna read my thank you poem, I suggest skipping to the end. If not, then let me fill you in on a little bit of the exciting news going on around here.

Firstly, I’ve had the honor of getting my poem “Indecision” freshly pressed. I can’t tell you what an awesome surprise that was, and it was an amazing pick me up. A little bit of an ego booster, so to speak.  There’s nothing like seeing something I put myself into actually get such a good deal of attention.  Secondly, I have been nominated by several of you for a handful of awards, all of which I completely honored and floored by. Those will all get their own post, and I’ll be mentioning you for the sake of being awesome enough to think of me.  Third, I’ll be launching my new facebook page soon, so you’ll want to keep an eye out for that folks, as I’ll be able to connect a bit better with all of you.

chocolate cupcake with pink frosting and sprinkles

Just in case you weren’t aware, for every 500 followers I get, I normally write a new poem….and I get myself a cupcake. Win-win, right?

Finally, I just have to say that, between getting freshly pressed, the sheer number of you amazing people, and the chance to actually connect more with everyone, that this has made the best birthday I have had in a very, very long time.  I honestly can’t remember a time when I’ve felt this good about life in general, nor when I’ve been this motivated to keep on, keepin’ on. Though it’s not officially till Sunday, I couldn’t possibly think of any other present that could make me feel so swell.

Thank you, honestly, for ever single second of your time. I can’t think of a single thing I value higher nor anything I’d rather have more.

As for the post, I’ve got a possessive little poem that’s just for you. Yep, you and only you. Think of it as my little ‘thank you’ for helping me limp my writing along. I really do appreciate it and, now, without further ado:

Us

Your gaze,
my words,
our thoughts,

just, in this moment,
there is nothing
but us.

We exist
only in each other’s
presence,

my rhymes ghost
and your lips
lap this sentence:

that we are us,

an intimate assembly,
essences who flicker
in mutual envy

of our minds.

For me,

you will always be
audience enough.
________________________________________________

Once again, thank you kindly, folks. I couldn’t do it without ya.

Tragedy May Have…

Broken statue

Sometimes life comes at you sideways.

“Tragedy may have shaped me,

but it will not define me.”

-R. DeArcos

_____________________________________________

We all know that life isn’t all unicorns and cupcakes (though wouldn’t it be awesome it if was?), and you could probably count on one hand the people you run into  who haven’t had anything terrible happen to them. Basically, what I am saying is that most of us have brushes and full on crashes with tragedy. It can come in the form of losing a love one, to financial ruin, all the way to an accident that leaves you with a disability. Whatever form it chooses to come in and no matter what the outcome, it has inevitably shaped your life in one way or the other. However, no matter how terrible the tragedy, we know that moving on is the most important part that comes out of an ordeal. No matter if it left you with a ding, a dent, or even missing something that you had before, you have the responsibility and ability to live your life despite all of these events.

Broken Lolly

Break my heart? That’s okay. Break my lolly? I’ll straight out cry.

 I say all of these because we all have those years. You know the ones I’m talking about, where your loved one leaves you, you loose your job, and your cat runs away- those kinds of years just happen. Once again, it’s something you can get through and should. Realizing that, in your life, moving along no matter what has happened is the only way to keep living to your fullest is perhaps the most important and responsible realization you could ever make.

And, yes, I said responsible. Allowing something to beat you into a deep, dark corner not only hinders your entire life, but it also does nothing for those who are around you. This can be anyone from your child to your dog (yes, pets get depressed too). It’s your responsibility to yourself, and to the ones you love, that you drag yourself back up and keep going on.

arm in cast

Move on, because happiness in the face of tragedy is epic defiance.

That’s the part I’m really talking about: the going on thing. As horrible as it is, you can see those people who  have experienced something terrible in their life, and they’ve never been able to move past it. It can be the job they lost twenty years back, the loved one that left them, or something looming from their past. Unable to continue on, their life has taken a side seat next to their sorrow. They have, in all senses, become defined by their tragedy. Don’t let that be you.

That quote up there is going out straight to you, person who has faced the terrible aka ‘the suck’. Yes, it has happened, but no you don’t have to let it grasp hold of your entire life. Push past, even if you have to fake it till you make it, and keep getting on.

_______________________

To sum it up: no matter how you’re feeling today, just know you can make it through anything that comes your way.

Mended Heart

You can get through this.

_______________________

In addition, for those of you who are just having one of those years, and you just want to hear someone who understands that happens sometimes, I introduce you to the Weepies and their song ‘ Not Your Year”. I know this song well because I too have had hard times, and it was just nice to hear someone who understood it.

_______________________

Anywho, that’s my take on things. If you’ve got a favorite ‘get back up and at ‘um’ or ‘nothing’s gonna stop me’ quote or song, feel free to post a link in the comments!

– The Procrastitorian

Yippie Ki Yay

If you’re one of those people who loves movies that break new boundaries in art, focus on new methods of shooting, and bring heart wrenching stories of love and absolute languish than the first part of this post isn’t for you. Probably not the second part, either, but if you happen to be that rare sort of person who also likes westerns, than mosey on down to the last part of this post. For the rest of you out there, mostly you action fans and aficionados of the late 80’s and early 90’s movies, stick with me because this whole shebang is for you.

This is an amen to the movie gurus who finally figured out that returning the action, actors, and stories of the truly awesome movies back to the lime light was a phenomenal idea. I’m talking (of course) about the ball that really began to roll after the Expendables hit an awesome amount of success.  Bringing back the classic kick-assery of the true action movie, it also featured Stallone and a cast of actors that have been far too sparse on the field for far too long. Heck, there’s even relatively new faces on the field that are doing an amazing job once applied to these awesome tales. Along with this revival, it brought back a story that has action, adventure, danger, and characters you really want to be. Really, realllly want to be.  I mean, I’m a 5’4” tall woman and I wish I had been born a 6’5” man so I can kick someone’s head through a wall each and every time I watch one of those movies.

Gun man

You know you want to be him.

Anywho, it’s those elements and and a few more that make them great. They lack the annoying love stories that always lead to scantily clad people fake makin’ it on the screen (which is, by the way, annoying to try and take my parents to a movie and have scenes like that pop up. 25 and I  just don’t feel right about sharing a moment like that with my mother or a bunch of random strangers for that matter).  They focus on the heroes and their plights that are truly important: the elements of their personalities that truly make them heroes. They fight the bad guy, save the innocents, and do it all while never sacrificing their personal morals or gaining new ones. That, my friends, is what the recent onslaught of movies is bringing back and I, for one, am happy to see them come. So bring on A Good Day To Die Hard, The Last Stand, and RED 2 (the first one which is one of my personal favorites).  I’m happy to welcome Arnold back into the limelight, cheer on Stallone, and grin along with Bruce Willis and that contagious smile of his.

Now, onto the second part of this post. With all these movies coming back, I am here to call out another into the streets, one that I feel we needs a good strong comeback:

The Western

Western Boots

Someone has to fill these boots.

That’s right, I think we are in dire need of a  Western. A really good one for a nice hurrah. Not a dirty, terrible tale of people who need to shove bars of soap down their throats, or of the questionable, flaky hero who finally stands up. We need the good old classic westerns that bring back that feeling of the old west (as romanticized as it may be). I want shoot outs in the streets, bar fights in the saloon, and gunfights at the OK Corral. I want those lone heroes that never seem to be alone with the motley crew of old friends that never leave their sides, and their horses that never give ‘um a reason to cuss them till they go down. Not a remake, not a side-story, but a new and honest to goodness Western.  While I’d love to see a new revival of the genre, I’ll settle for just one good western that makes me think “Man, if the Duke were alive today, he would have been in this one”.

A rant though this may be, I felt it was a good one. It’s been years upon years since I felt like going to the movie theater a few times a month, but recently I just can’t stay away. With movies like Judge Dredd and The Last Stand behind me, and the ones I previously named above on the way, it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to pause much either. And, just between you and me, friends, that’s something I am rather glad to say.

The Golden Apple

Golden Apple

Looks innocent enough, right?

Let me just begin by saying that I normally don’t buy candy or anything for Valentine’s day. However, not even I can escape a store without being bombarded by their well placed, gaudy holiday displays and, today, I am rather glad for that fact. As par, I was walking right past the rows of Valentine’s Day items, but my mind suddenly threw up a mental flag  that caused me to stop and turn right back around.

There, amid the sea of abrasive red and pink cellophane wrapped items, were two large rows of chocolate golden apples.  This was exactly what I had thought I saw, but had to do a double take because, in my mind, that was just too good to be true. For those of you who are familiar with Greek Mythology, you might recognize why I found the idea of offering a golden apple as a symbol of love to various women on a day where you are supposed to cherish the wonderful, beautiful love of your life, so funny. For those of you who aren’t with me yet, or perhaps don’t recognize the story, just let me just give you a brief summary of the tale that instantly came to my mind.

~~~~~~~~

A marriage of a favored mortal was to take place on Mount Olympus and the gods had been invited for what was sure to be the event of the century.   All of the famous faces you may recognize were there in attendance that day, including three rather important goddesses: Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite. However, the most important figure comes play with a face that wasn’t invited and therefore wasn’t taking part in the festivities of the day: A lesser known goddess by the name of Eris.

Now, this may just be an afterthought, but if there was one goddess that I wouldn’t purposefully not invite to the most happening party on all of Olympus, it probably would be the goddess of  chaos, strife, and discord ( in fact, she’s someone I would work to keep on my side). The other goddesses and gods, however, didn’t see the problem with this and blissfully went about celebrating without another thought of how much ire they’d stoked up within the foreboding goddess.

As you can imagine, Eris wasn’t exactly happy with this and decided that she’d do what she does best (which is cause utter chaos, if you weren’t paying attention). Biding her time till the festivities were well underway, Eris waited until the goddesses in attendance were all standing together. While chatting about the latest fashions in robes and how stupid mortal men were (no doubt), into the middle of them suddenly plopped a beautiful, perfectly polished golden apple. What a gift! Now, you may be thinking what is so special about this apple? They’re found a couple of times throughout Greek mythology, and gods have cooler things like lightening bolts, and crazy beasts they could send to torment people. Well, other than being golden, it wasn’t really wasn’t anything particularly unique about it. Well, except for the tag that is, which simply said: “To The Fairest”. Singular.

Aphrodite statue

If you look closely enough, you can see the scratch marks across the statue’s face where the other goddesses spent time sharpening their claws.

          Uh-oh.

More deadly than a hand grenade full of rusty shrapnel, we can only imagine how silent the crowd became when the girlish giggles stopped between the three women and the bickering began. Needless to say, each goddess found themselves to be the rightful recipient of the apple. Besides, Hera was queen of the gods, Athena was the wisest, and Aphrodite was the most beautiful! There was no doubt in each of their minds that they were the one to receive it, however, they decided that they’d go ahead and let someone else decide.  Knowing far better to open his mouth, Zeus refused to touch that pit of vipers with a ten foot bolt of lightning (no wonder he was King of the gods) and told them to go choose someone else.  Unable to put the squabble behind them, the three goddesses finally turned to a rather handsome mortal man to make the final (and rather fatal, if you ask me,) decision. Stupid enough to actually open his mouth, the guy (from here on known only as ‘the dolt’) said ‘okay’ to the gig.

Now, if there’s one thing you should know about Greek gods, know this: they never play fair. Heck, even the bride at this glorious wedding was forced into it just because she decided to turn down Zeus’ offer to become another one of his mistresses. (I can only assume that she was a smart woman, as I don’t think getting anywhere near the husband of the spiteful Hera bodes well for any woman. Ever.)  Annnywho, each of the goddesses decided they were going to bribe the dolt with gifts they felt were befitting and inside their power to grant.

Hera promised that he could be king of all men if he chose her, a real ruler of the lands. Athena promised him victory in war as long as he lived! Finally, Aphrodite promised him something she thought he simply couldn’t refuse: the hand of the most beautiful mortal woman in all of Greece. Of course, befitting of his nickname here, the dolt chose the gal. While everyone around him was probably groaning louder than an ignored crowd on an episode of Who Wants to Be A Millionare, at least the tense and terrible ordeal was over….right?

Wrong.

Oh, the girl was beautiful, alright. Aphrodite had given the dolt one winner of a woman. However, the funny thing about that gal is that she, unfortunately for many, many people, happened to be already married (something the goddess failed to mention completely). Not only was she already married, but to a rather powerful guy at that. Therefore, when the dolt abducted her in order to take her as his own wife, you can imagine it started a teeny little fight. Just a little one. The common name for this little ditty?

Wooden Horse

Big giveaway

The Trojan War.

So, after my long short story, you can see why I found a golden apple being a present given out for Valentine’s day to be a rather hilarious one. Even if it happens to be just some golden tin foil slapped around a crappy apple shaped shell, the story is there behind it to make it a rather funny symbol that I thought I’d share with you.  If you’re interested in the actual story, you can check up on it here.

Here’s looking forwards to  D V-Day, folks,

P.  

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